Ruby was sitting on the grass by the river bank. Like the night before, she came to watch the sun go down. She never left until all the colors had faded from the sky.
Most people think the best part of sunsets is the sun, and when it sank, it was over. But long ago Ruby and her sister had discovered a secret: the best part was after. Every night, even when it rained, they watched the skies dance after the sun had gone. New England’s aurora borealis, they had joked.
But tonight, Ruby came alone. It was cold now, the air brittle and sharp. Already the trees were bone-bare, silently waiting for winter to dawn. Despite the temperature, Ruby had removed her sneakers and sat with her long legs stretched out, toes wiggling in faded pink socks. She was crying.
Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her.
“Hey, are ya alright?”
Ruby let out a startled shriek.
“Hey, whoa. Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya.”
The voice sounded thick and rough, but it was clearly a woman’s voice. Ruby turned, and was startled to find that woman was too generous a term. The voice belonged to a teenage girl, hardly older than Ruby herself, dressed in a green hoodie and a pair of cheap sunglasses too large for her face. They kept slipping down her nose, and each time the girl pushed them up, they fell hopelessly back down again. She smelled faintly of smoke and seawater, and something else that Ruby couldn’t identify.
“Um, I’m fine,” said Ruby. “Sorry, I – ” She struggled to put her shoes back on.
“Wait! Don’t get up – here, I’ll sit with ya.”
“No!” Ruby said instinctively. “I can’t – ” she broke off, unable to come up with the words. But she knew this: she did not want to be near the girl. She was sure of that. Something inside her sensed a wrongness. She didn’t know what exactly, but it was so strong it overpowered everything else.
It was her voice. Her voice had stirred something – was it fear? No, not fear. Fear was different. Fear was right. It should be fear, she thought, almost laughing out loud at the absurdity of it, after everything that’s happened! She should feel afraid! Terrified! But it wasn’t fear. No. It was something deeper than fear.
Alongside the “wrongness” was a – what?
She was sure she had never heard a voice like that. Cruel as a winter storm, yet, impossibly, warm as honey. It made her want to run far away and hide, but there was also a part of her that wanted to curl up inside it and fall asleep.
“Can’t what?” The girl had already made herself comfortable on the grass next to Ruby. She took out a battered pack of cigarettes, slipped one between her lips, and lit it.
“Ya want one?” she offered.
“No,” said Ruby. “I don’t smoke.”
“Suit yourself.”
The girl was only inches away from her now. She took deep, slow drags from her cigarette, staring out across the water, occasionally flicking the end onto the grass. Tiny embers glowed brightly in the white ash before dying out.
“Pretty, huh?” she said.
Ruby looked ahead. In fact, it was beautiful. As much as she resented being born in a place so disconnected from the world, the river had always felt like something she belonged to. It served not only as an anchor, the heart of the town, but a bridge too, the only undeniable proof that there was something more out there. All she had to do was follow it.
The river also had a quality that Ruby herself desired. She envied how effortlessly it shed its skin, never afraid to lose direction. It flowed with the seasons the same way a dancer molded herself to the shape of music. No matter how many times it changed, it still had a core that remained untouched. Tonight, the river was spilled gold, looking particularly dramatic against the dark red sky. Suddenly, a thought struck her.
“Red sky tonight, sailor’s delight.”
“Huh?” said the girl.
Ruby flushed. “It’s something my grandfather used to say. It means tomorrow will be a nice day.”
“No kidding? Been here my whole life and never noticed.”
“It’s just a saying.”
“Well, hey! That’s a pretty neat trick.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Ruby said. She watched the sun touch the water, then, in a flash, disappear beyond the horizon. The sky began its dance.
The girl lit another cigarette. Ruby watched with interest as she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She paused for a moment, holding the smoke in her lungs, an expression of what Ruby thought of as pureness on her face. Finally, she released the breath, and a cloud of smoke poured out of her nose.
The girl caught her staring. “I know, I know!” she said. “Bad habit.”
“Why don’t you quit then,” Ruby asked.
“Ya think I haven’t tried?” The girl laughed. It was a wild, tinkling laugh that carried through the air. When she heard it, Ruby’s skin prickled.
“When did you start?” she asked.
“‘Bout a year before Mama died,” said the girl.
“Oh,” said Ruby. All of a sudden, her chest filled with sand. “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. Wasn’t a surprise, really.”
“What happened?”
“Lungs rotted. It happened quick. Three months then boom! Gone to live with angels.”
“Oh,” Ruby said again. She didn’t know what else to say. It was the first time since it happened she had met someone else who knew what it felt like. “Did she smoke, too?” she asked finally.
The girl laughed the wild, tinkling laugh again. It sounded like wind chimes in a graveyard. “Of course!” she cried. “Where do you think I picked up the filthy habit?”
Ruby stared at her. “But then, why do you…” she trailed off.
“Why do I keep it up?”
“Yeah.”
Suddenly, the girl leaned in so close her face was only an inch from Ruby’s. Her eyes glittered darkly. When she spoke, her breath stank sour.
“Ever been addicted?” she whispered.
Ruby faltered. “What do you mean?” she asked. “To what?”
“Anything,” said the girl. “The big three are,” she lifted her other hand and extended each finger as she listed, “Drugs, sex and money.”
“Oh!” said Ruby. “No! Of course not! That’s…evil.”
“Evil?” the girl said. “Did ya say evil?”
Ruby flushed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean – ”
“Evil!” the girl hooted. “My god! Evil, she said!” She howled with laughter.
Ruby’s cheeks flamed. “That’s not what – ”
“Relax, little sister! I’m not angry!”
“I’m sorry,” Ruby repeated.
“I just never heard someone say that.”
“I just meant. Like. If you know that – if, your mother, she – ”
“Hey, I get it! Let’s put it this way. If a fortune lady came to me tomorrow and said, ‘You will die unless you stop’ – would I?”
“Wouldn’t you?” said Ruby.
“As I said, I’d try.”
Ruby felt something rise within her. “Whaddya mean try!” she cried. “Why wouldn’t you? You already know. It can be prevented. Why wouldn’t you!”
The girl looked at her, obviously surprised. Then she shrugged. “Feels good.”
“What does?”
The girl cracked a wide, crooked smile. Her teeth were yellow.
“Getting what you crave, little sister. The sweet release.”
It was almost dark now, only a faint strip of yellow light hovered on the horizon, bleeding into a soft violet, then, high above, a vast blackness that swept over the entire sky.
“So,” said the girl. “Ya never answered my question. Why were ya cryin’ before?”
Ruby was silent. Did she really not know? It was all over the papers. They had the same face, after all. Then again, the girl didn’t exactly look like the people she knew.
“You can tell me,” the girl winked. “I’m good with secrets.”
Ruby felt something rise again, but it was a different something. Before it was a fire, a determination to face the truth. This time she wanted to run. She wanted to snatch her bag and leave. She wanted to fly alongside the river, long legs pumping, until it led her to where she wanted to go. To Jade.
Instead, her voice cracking, she said: “It’s my sister. She’s – ”
Say it, just say it. No! It can’t be true. But it is. You know it is.
“She’s dead,” Ruby whispered. Then she winced. The words felt raw and empty coming out of her mouth.
The girl, if she was shocked by this, did not show it.
“Wow, that’s rough.” she said. “I’m so sorry! Hey – do ya need a hug?”
Ruby was silent. Then, before she could restrain herself, burst out laughing. She laughed and laughed. It wasn’t the faint kind of laughter, either, tiny bubbles bursting from the mouth. It was massive, whole, a wave that crashed over her. Her sides ached. Her face burned.
Too much, too much.
It was several minutes before she caught her breath.
“Sorry!” she gasped. “I don’t know why I did that.” She felt embarrassed now.
“Nah, don’t worry,” said the girl. “Shock’ll do that to ya.”
“It felt good,” Ruby said.
“Yeah?” said the girl. “That’s release.”
It was dark now. The dance was over. Ruby knew her parents would be expecting her soon. If she didn’t go home they’d be hysterical. But she didn’t want to go yet. Whatever wrongness she had felt about the girl had been eclipsed. Now she felt a rush of goodness, of light, of pureness. She was flying.
“So what happened to her? Your Sis,” the girl said, lighting another cigarette.
The darkness returned. “She disappeared.”
“What, she hiding?” the girl joked.
“What? No!” Ruby felt angry now, stronger than before. Stronger than she’d ever felt. “Are you stupid? She’s gone. Didn’t come home one night. No one has heard from her. Everyone knows she’s dead. She has to be! Someone did it. Someone killed her. Don’t you understand? You don’t, do you? You stupid lowlife.”
“Hey, whoa. Jeez, little sister. Didn’t mean to press your buttons. I’m just sayin’. How can ya be sure?”
“Be sure of what?” snapped Ruby.
“That she’s dead.”
“Because! I just told you. No one’s heard from her. It’s been weeks. She’s dead and no one wants to admit it but I know she has to be.”
“Maybe she just left.”
“She wouldn’t.”
“What about the body?”
“What?”
“Her body. Ya know. If ya die, ya tend to leave a body behind. Anyone find it?”
“No. I just told you that she -“
“Okay, okay. Relax, little sister. Listen, ah, maybe ya shouldn’t give up so quickly, ya know?”
“I haven’t given up.”
“No? Okay, look. Hey.” The girl stood up and dusted herself off. Her cigarette glowed dimly in the grass. “Were ya close to her?”
“She was my best friend.”
“Yeah, but, I mean. How well did ya really know her, Ruby?”
“Better than anyone! She told me everything.” Then she froze. “How do you know my name?” she demanded.
The girl smiled. “Listen, little sister. Take it from me. Nobody tells someone everything. Not even to their best friend.”
Ruby scrambled to get her shoes on, but it was too late. The girl had gone.
Above her, the moon hung crookedly. Ruby knew it was time to go home. It was cold, and her feet felt like blocks of ice. She wished she had kept her shoes on. The wind whistled sharply through the bones of the trees, but to Ruby they sounded like whispers. Her fingers were stiff with cold. She began to stand up, then noticed the girl’s cigarette still glowing in the grass. Bright and warm and red. She reached over to pluck it out, but dropped it almost immediately.
“Ouch!” she cried.
It stung, and she crawled forward to dip her fingers in the water to cool them. She saw her reflection and gasped. Her face looked sick and hollow, like a jack-o-lantern past its prime.
Jade.
Ruby lurched back. The cigarette was still glowing. It was almost to the end now, sizzling and crackling in the grass.
This time, she was careful to pinch it with her nails. She held it close to her face and felt a faint warm glow on her skin, the only light besides the stars in the sky. She brought it to her lips, crinkled her nose at the smell, but, wanting, needing, now – touched it to her parted mouth, and breathed in deep.
